If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am full of burrito and curiosity
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
