Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
