Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
