I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
