since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
