Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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