is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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