kristin has been a bad kristin
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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