were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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