dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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