She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
