tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
