I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
