We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
