am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
