I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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