The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
