I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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