There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
