end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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