There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
