you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
