I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
