Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
