READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
