I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
