My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
