Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
