Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
