Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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