He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
