Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
