I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
