she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i out mim tonsoeep
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
