I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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