from now on my penis is your penis
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
