I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
