I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
