he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
