I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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