Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
