You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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