remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
