So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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