your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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