If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
