I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
