ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
