i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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