That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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