She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
