I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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