I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
