Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
should my penis look like a turkey
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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