Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
is wine microwaveable?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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